I am not there yet,
where I can turn
and lay my head
upon your light-filled breast;
let the rhythm
of reconciliation with you
soothe my conscience.
I am trapped in mid-cycle:
in anger before its expression,
in the midnight of emotion--
I cannot know empathy
until I've suffered loss;
I cannot court serenity
until I've banished rage.
Gone are the signposts
lost in the glare of the sun--
the four corners of the earth,
the five elements of creation:
denial
anger
bargaining
guilt
acceptance.
Joan Rizzo is a writer and mental health activist living with a bipolar disorder. Her poetry has appeared in The Awakenings Review and the National Catholic Reporter. She would like to dedicate her contribution to this issue of The Awakenings Review to the memory of her brother, Steven Rizzo, who took his own life twenty years ago.